THE 'SKINNY' ON A MOMMY FAVORITE

My humans like the New York Times. So do I - lots of sections make for comfy napping.

Occasionally, something catches my eye.

I saw this and immediately thought of my mom. And not because of the skinny part, either, that's for sure! (Oops, I'm talking out loud again!) Anyway, she has a copy of this around here somewhere when it's not on loan.

Bless her bitchy heart - when I pointed the ad out to her she was so thrilled she got teary.

Yeah, she's strange like that.

Still, this slim book is a fun, fast read. See what other people are saying about Skinny Bitch.A million people can't be wrong.

Well, given the last presidential election, 62 million people can be horribly wrong, so let me rephrase that: Tazarina is never wrong. Do me proud - and earn me about 2.3 cents in the process - by getting your very own copy of Skinny Bitch right here.

SIZE MATTERS

As you know from my post last week, my pet parents saved all those photos of me, me, me and a few other things (like this fun one of an odd sight on a busy Florida street), so you may as well enjoy them to the fullest.

That's why I wanted to tell you - in case you didn't know - that when you click on any image here on my great space, it opens up to full size for your viewing pleasure.

Go ahead, try it! (I'll wait here and pick my back claws with my teeth, or something.)

. . . 

Awww-some, huh?

THE TAO OF TAZZIE

I've been around the block a few times. I know stuff. And I feel it's my duty to impart this worldly wisdom to you.

In bitty, bite-size doses, of course.

From other people's mouths.

So here's my first quote of the day, week, whatever, whenever I have a minute:

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated."

- Mahatma Gandhi

CONCHED OUT

A friend of mommy's is going to Key West this week. She wishes it was her.

And so do I!

I see me in a big, big house, so big I might never cross paths with Casey again. It has old, wood floors, water views and wraparound verandas where we can all laze in the island heat as a fan whirs sleepily above, whisking little beads of sweats off our noses.

There'd be a swing or two, of course. And dainty tables for resting cool drinks and good books. It'd be our very own Hemingway house! That's where I got the idea. Mom took this picture of his house from the top of the Key West Lighthouse Museum.

My folks love Key West and say it's very cat-friendly.

They're everywhere.


(And, if this fella is any indication, they're very used to strangers stepping over them.)



As are, oddly enough, chickens.

Anyway, I could sneak away from mom and slip in, say, to the Hemingway house, get shown around,

you know, blend in.

Oh, who am I kidding? What with these delicate feet.

I'd be spotted as an intruder immediately.






(Compare with Casey's huge cloppers. He'd fit right in with those six-toed freaks!)

Still, a kitty can dream. ....

ANOTHER PAW PAL!

Hey, everybody - well, all three of you - meet Phil!

He says he's heard about me and Casey, and that we're familia, so to speak. News to me, but I'll go along with it. 

So, I'll let my new cuz here tell you (and me!) about himself:

Hi Tazarina! My name is Phil. I think we’re related somehow, but who keeps track of these things? 

This picture is a couple of years old, but I think it captures my full range of emotions.

We seem to have quite a bit in common – I also moved from New York to Florida! Palmetto bugs were a delicious everyday snack for me, too, until the humans thought it would be a

good idea to rebuild my house. 

It went from the glorious cesspool of creepy crawlies to 

a boring place, where all I can do is drink dirty pool water.

This picture conveys exactly what I thought of that.

But I’ve jumped ahead of myself in my fit of rage!

I live with my sister, Lil, and a few humans. 

Lil is typing this for me. 

I got a car for my birthday two years ago. 

I still haven’t figured out exactly how it works, but I think Lil and I are making progress. 

I sit on top, navigating ...

 

... while she works the 

controls.

Lil can be a bit sneaky though. I always have to keep an eye on her.

Don’t let your brother get too full of himself. I do the crossword with my eyes closed.

Well, I go to sleep on them then wake up next to a completed one, so I think I do them. The humans are also trying to teach me math.

Here I am getting ready to use my crossword-solving method on some calculus problems.

Well, I’m off to take a nap, then eat some food, take another nap, have a quick clean, then get ready for bed.

It’s good to finally talk to you after hearing so much about you from the humans!

Your cousin (or something), Phil

CAT-ASTROPHE AVERTED

There are those who backup their computers and those who will.

Guess which group we belong in?

Here I was, thrilled to pieces to meet my first paw pal Lucy Liu, when all of a sudden mommy gasped so hard she sucked all the air out of the room. Literally. Now I couldn't breathe! Do I dash out of the room? Do I brave almost certain death to find out why mom suddenly looks like a corpse? Albeit one hogging all the oxygen, mind you. Well, I'm a cat, after all, so curiosity kept my tushy firmly planted.

Seems iPhoto crashed. And where thousands of pix once appeared in neat little rows, dated and organized, there, on mom's beloved iMac, was just a blank, white screen. Blank except for a very scary error message.

Now my little heart was thumping. Can you imagine, wiped out, all those pictures - of ME?!! It was too much to take. I had to go lie down.

SOME TIME LATER

After a snooze, a snack and a long bath, I checked in on mom. Uh, oh. This was serious now: Dad had joined in, nearly assuring my photos would be lost forever. Mommy needed IT - and dad wasn't it! I told myself, Tazzie, calm down, there's only one thing to do. Eat.

My strategy of indifference worked. (You know, none of these things move me.) Somehow after lots of clicking and cursing and scouring through Apple's about-useless help files, the photos were restored. Catastrophe averted.

As I headed for that spot under the coffee table, I heard my folks saying they were going to look into getting a backup system. ... Tomorrow.

GIMME SHELTER

I can tell my new friend Lucy Liu and I will be great friends. We have so much in common. For instance, she mentioned she'd been a stray once. Oh my god, me too!

But I never lived in a shelter. I was plucked off the street as a baby by my first owner. Casey, however, did spend some time locked up - at the North Shore Animal League in Port Washington, N.Y. He doesn't remember anything about it, though, because mom sprung him when he was just 9 weeks old.

Mom says he was a tiny thing, just all ears and mouth. (That last bit hasn't changed. He's sooo noisy it's like shut up already.) 'Course by the time I met him years later, he was huge. Everyone called him Gordiflón.

He's still a big boy, but, like me, he's also slimmed down with age. Sure can't say that about the humans in this household! (Watch it, missy! - Ed.) See how little I look in comparison. Positively petite. A wisp of a girl ... who doesn't need stretchy pants. Hee. 

Casey may be big, but smart? I just about missed the litterbox when Lucy Liu said he looked "highly intelligent." Oh, girlfriend, the stories I could tell you!

Anyway, her letter got me thinking maybe some of you are unfamiliar with palmetto bugs. That's a shame, but I'm sure West Virginia offers great feline entertainment, too. Click here to see a good specimen.